College Thesis This Week

High School Youth Should Learn Self Love and Self Identity

The Lessons I Wish I Had Learned in High School

Fern Creek High School C/O 1999

When I think about my thesis and why teaching self-love and self-identity in high school is so important to me, I cannot separate the topic from my own life. I think back to growing up as the oldest of six children in a single-parent home and how quickly I had to learn about responsibility, strength, and putting other people before myself.

Being the oldest came with expectations. Whether they were spoken or unspoken, I understood that my younger siblings were looking at me. I felt a responsibility to help, to be strong, and sometimes to grow up faster than I probably should have. When you are focused on being responsible and helping your family, there is not always much time left to ask yourself, Who am I? What do I need? What do I love about myself? What do I want for my own life?

Looking back, I realize how valuable a course on self-love and self-identity could have been for me during those years.

High school taught me academic subjects, but I wish there had also been a space that taught me that taking care of myself was important. I wish someone had explained that being strong did not mean I always had to carry everything. I needed to know that having boundaries was not selfish, that my value was not based only on what I could do for other people, and that I deserved the opportunity to discover myself outside of the responsibilities I carried.

A self-identity course could have encouraged me to explore questions that I did not always have the opportunity to think about. Who am I outside of being the oldest sibling? What are my strengths? What are my dreams? What do I believe about myself? What kind of life do I want to create?

Those questions may sound simple, but for a teenager they can be powerful.

My experience is also why I believe we cannot assume that every student goes home to an environment where these conversations are happening. Parents can love their children deeply while still dealing with the realities of providing for a family, working, paying bills, and handling everyday responsibilities. In some homes, the focus is simply on making it through the day. That does not always leave room for conversations about confidence, boundaries, identity, purpose, and emotional growth.

School has the opportunity to help fill that gap.

If I had learned these lessons earlier, I believe I would have understood sooner that self-love is not selfishness. I would have known that I could love my family and still choose myself sometimes. I could support the people around me without losing myself in the process. Most importantly, I could be a good example for my younger siblings without believing I had to be perfect.

Today, when I look back at that child who was the oldest of six, I have compassion for everything that came with that role. Those experiences helped shape me, but they also make me wonder how different my journey might have been if someone had taught me the importance of knowing and loving myself at a younger age.

That is what makes this thesis personal for me.

I am not simply arguing that schools need another course. I am advocating for the student who is carrying responsibilities that their classmates and teachers may know nothing about. I am thinking about the oldest child who feels responsible for everyone, the student trying to find where they belong, and the teenager who appears strong on the outside but is still trying to understand who they are on the inside.

I was one of those students.

And if teaching self-love and self-identity in high school can help another young person discover their worth earlier than I discovered mine, then I believe it is a lesson worth teaching.Why High Schools Should Teach Self-Love and Self-Identity

As I work on my college thesis, I chose to focus on a subject that I believe deserves more attention in our schools: the importance of teaching self-love and self-identity to high school students. High school teaches students many things they will need academically, but I believe education should also prepare students for the emotional and personal challenges they will face in life.

The teenage years are a time when young people are trying to figure out who they are. They are influenced by their friends, family, social media, relationships, appearance, and the expectations placed on them. At the same time, they are expected to make important decisions about college, careers, friendships, and their futures. We often ask teenagers, “What do you want to become?” before we have truly helped them answer a more important question: “Who are you?”

Self-Love Is More Than Confidence

When I speak about self-love, I am not talking about teaching students to believe they are perfect or better than everyone else. Self-love is about understanding your worth while recognizing that you still have room to grow.

Students should learn that making a mistake does not make them a failure. Rejection does not determine their value. Someone else's opinion does not have to become their identity. They should understand the importance of setting boundaries, respecting themselves, recognizing unhealthy relationships, accepting their individuality, and speaking to themselves with the same compassion they would give someone they love.

These lessons can follow students long after they leave the classroom.

Students Need the Opportunity to Discover Who They Are

Self-identity is equally important. Teenagers are constantly receiving messages telling them who they should be, what they should look like, what they should accomplish, and what success should mean to them.

I believe schools can create opportunities for students to explore their personal values, strengths, interests, goals, culture, individuality, and sense of purpose. Students should be encouraged to think independently instead of feeling that they have to change themselves simply to belong.

A young person who understands who they are may be better prepared to make decisions based on their values instead of constantly seeking validation from other people.

Social Media Makes These Conversations Even More Important

Today's students are growing up in a world where comparison can happen every time they pick up their phones. They can compare their appearance, popularity, relationships, lifestyles, and accomplishments to hundreds of people in a matter of minutes.

What they see online can sometimes create unrealistic expectations about what their lives are supposed to look like.

That is why I believe conversations about identity and self-worth belong in education. Students need spaces where they can talk about comparison, peer pressure, personal boundaries, confidence, healthy relationships, social media, and emotional growth.

Imagine If We Prepared Students for Life, Too

Imagine a high school student graduating knowing algebra, science, history, and English—but also knowing how to establish boundaries, recognize their strengths, handle rejection, understand their values, walk away from unhealthy situations, and maintain a sense of identity when other people pressure them to change.

To me, that is education too.

Teaching self-love and self-identity does not mean schools should tell students who they are. It means giving students tools that can help them discover that answer for themselves.

I believe education should develop more than a student's academic abilities. It should help develop the whole person. When students understand that their worth is not determined by popularity, appearance, mistakes, relationships, grades, or other people's opinions, they can begin making choices from a stronger foundation.

My thesis is ultimately about something bigger than adding another lesson to the high school curriculum. It is about asking ourselves what we truly want students to carry with them when they graduate.

I want students to leave high school not only prepared to make a living, but prepared to live with confidence in who they are.

Before we continuously ask young people who they want to become, maybe we should first give them the tools to discover, love, and understand who they already are.

Terrell Ellis