AHT AHT,It’s Not Your’s

Some Places Feel Safe, But Aren’t Safe for Everyone

Recently, I made the decision to leave a mothers’ social group.

At first, it seemed like the kind of space many women look for,a place to connect, share experiences, support one another, promote what we’re doing, and simply exist among other mothers who understand the many layers of motherhood.

But over time, I started noticing something that didn’t sit right with me.

My social posts were consistently being taken down by the curator of the group. At first, I questioned myself. Maybe I misunderstood the rules. Maybe I posted something I shouldn’t have. Maybe I needed to approach the space differently.

But after it continued happening, I realized something important:

It wasn’t mine.

Not the group. Not the platform. Not the rules. And ultimately, not the responsibility of the person running it to make the space feel the way I wanted it to feel.

That realization didn’t mean I had to stay.

Sometimes we confuse being allowed into a space with belonging in that space. They are not the same thing.

I realized as a Mother, Wife and Entrepernuer, this was’nt the space for me.

A community can look welcoming from the outside. It can call itself supportive, inclusive, empowering, or safe. And for many of the people inside of it, that may genuinely be their experience.

But some places feel safe because they are safe for certain people.

That doesn’t automatically mean they are safe for everyone.

Safety is more than being invited into the room. It is being able to participate without constantly wondering whether your voice will be removed, minimized, misunderstood, or treated differently. It is knowing what the boundaries are and trusting that those boundaries are applied fairly. It is feeling like you can contribute without shrinking yourself to remain acceptable.

And sometimes, the clearest sign that a space isn't for you is how often you find yourself questioning whether you are welcome there.

Leaving taught me that I don’t have to fight for ownership in someone else’s space.

The curator had the right to manage her community according to her vision. And I had the right to decide that her vision no longer worked for me.

Both things can be true.

That distinction gave me peace because leaving didn’t have to become a battle about who was right and who was wrong. I didn’t need to convince anyone that my experience was valid before choosing something different.

I could simply pay attention to what the experience was teaching me.

There is also something powerful about realizing that when you continually feel restricted in someone else’s space, maybe the answer isn't always to fight harder for a seat.

Sometimes the answer is to build your own table.

Create the community you wish existed.

Establish the culture you were looking for.

Make room for the voices you noticed weren't being heard.

And when you become the person responsible for creating a space, remember what it felt like to be on the other side of the rules.

This experience reminded me that community isn't just about gathering people together. It is about creating a sense of belonging. True belonging cannot exist where people feel they must constantly measure themselves against an invisible standard just to remain in the room.

So I left.

Not necessarily because the group was a bad place.

But because I finally understood that a place can be good for someone else and still not be good for me.

There is freedom in recognizing the difference.

Sometimes walking away isn't rejection.

Sometimes it's discernment.

Sometimes discovering that a space isn't yours is exactly what pushes you to create one that is.

Have you ever had to walk away from a space gracefully? If so What was the scenario?

To My Sons:

Never Stay Where You Don’t Belong

My sons,

As you grow, I want you to remember something that took me time and experience to understand: never stay in places where you have to constantly question whether you belong.

There will be rooms that welcome you and still make you feel small. Friendships that require you to become someone else. Jobs that appreciate what you produce but not who you are. Relationships where you keep giving, hoping that one day you’ll finally feel valued.

Know when to leave.

You do not have to beg for acceptance, chase invitations, or continuously prove that you deserve a seat at someone else’s table.

Also understand this: not every uncomfortable place is a place you don’t belong.

Sometimes growth will challenge you. Correction may humble you. New opportunities may make you nervous. Learn the difference between a place that stretches you and one that diminishes you.

Pay attention to how you feel after repeatedly showing up.

Do you feel respected? Can you speak without constantly shrinking yourself? Are you allowed to grow? Are your boundaries honored? Can you recognize yourself in that environment?

If the answer continues to be no, have the courage to walk away.

Leaving does not always require anger, an argument, or an announcement.

Sometimes you simply recognize, this is no longer for me, and quietly move forward.

If you cannot find the room where you belong, build one.

Create the friendships, family, businesses, communities, and traditions you wish someone had created for you.

My greatest hope is that you never become so desperate to belong that you abandon yourselves in the process.

Go where you are respected. Stay where you can grow. And always have the courage to leave when staying requires you to become less of who you are.

Love always,

Momma